How my path keeps winding....

This blog started out as a way to help me with my ADF dp study but as you can see, I haven't been here for several years.  In those years I have discovered something about myself.  Somewhere over the last several years I had lost the person I used to be, the one I loved being.  Somewhere, trying to conform to what I thought I should be I lost who I was.  

I think it started long before I started down my pagan path.  I was a single mother, trying to make ends meet, be the "best" mother I could be and give my daughter a childhood full of happy memories.  I put away things I loved because I felt she came first.  Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of the things I did to make sure she was happy and had what she needed to thrive.  Well, I should rephrase that.  I regret putting my identity aside to fit the mold I thought I should fit into.  Doing that was a major dis-service to both her and myself.  When I started exploring paganism, reading different books and exploring the net, I felt a stirring.  My old self was wakening up.  Taking my daughters' hand, we started exploring, following a new path, feeling like (at least I) was waking up.  

This was a good time, feeling my way and learning new things.  Then came the time to meet others in "RL".  Well, the first group was an eye-opener.  There were a lot of good times but unfortunately those good times soured.  Egos got in the way.  I started really hating the group but more, hating the person I was turning into.  A very mean, vindictive person.  I'll admit it.  I did things I am not proud of.  But at the same time this group was turning poison.  Leaving them with very bad feelings  I found ADF.  I love the grove I joined, still a member of for that matter.  It took a long time to let go of that hate I felt towards the others, but it's no longer there.  Thankfully, I really don't like that person. 

My journey with ADF has been a lot less bumpy, at least until the last few years, but that's a whole other story, not worth talking or thinking about.  Most of my time here has been good.  I don't regret being here at all.  I love the public rituals, the friendships I've formed are very special to me.  But these last few years I've felt like something was missing.  So many of my friends are doing really good stuff, I'm happy for them, but I feel like I'm lost again.  

Because of these feeling of loss I've been re-examining things.  Trying to figure out who I am and where I want to go.  So, getting to the point of this rather long post, I want to let anyone who follows my blog or wants to follow it.  My blog will no longer be about my ADF dp, I'm on a journey to rediscover myself.  I'll be blogging about that, which will include everything from spiritual posts to the "mundane".  

My life, my rediscovering myself.  You're welcome to follow my journey, if you so desire.  Who knows were I'll end up, lol, heck, maybe my wanderings will give you something to think about.  No harm there.  

Lughnasadh 2014

Walking down the path to the meeting area, I was pleasantly surprised at how cool it was down there.  Usually Lughnasadh is one of my least favorite high days because it is so hot but this year it was very pleasant.  Standing in the meeting area and looking around at our new home it dawns on me how much this place is growing on me.  I love being surrounded by the tall trees and listening to the birds singing above us.  The sun shone down through the trees while a pleasant breeze stirred the leaves.  The ground is mainly covered in a mix of moss and grass with a tall plant poking up here and there.  This place we are now calling home is very peaceful and has a calming effect on the soul.   

Ritual started kinda late this time, but that was okay because there was a lot of socializing going on.  We had a very large turnout this year, it was really nice to see new faces and friends from other groves come and join us on this beautiful day.  We even had an old friend come back and celebrate with us.  The meeting area was filled with people talking and laughing, occasionally a loud pop would happen when the balloon Gen was blowing up and filling with rose-petals would explode. The whole atmosphere was very festive.

This ritual we were honoring Lugh and Ana.  At Lughnasadh we tell the story of the battle between Lugh and his grandfather, Balor.  Part of the ritual is a brag/boost round.  Everyone tells about the best thing that happened to them in the past year or an accomplishment that they are particularly proud of doing.  The proud winner is then crowned and will be Lugh in the re-enactment of the battle.  There were many boosts this year.  In my opinion every one of them was very good and I applaud them. But this year our winner was our Senior druid Rob H.   Rob had a rough time this past year.  He's struggled a lot and through it all he is winning.  Diffidently a champion!

After Rob was crowned came the fun part.  

With the spearing of Balor's eye and the shower of the rose petals came a loud cheer!  Lugh is victorious again!  

Afterwards our omen taker reads the runes.  This is what we got.  Othala - Dagaz - Fehu  A good omen indeed!  

Pimping it out?

I was thinking the other day about how in some rituals people just follow a routine and don't vary from it ever, doing the same thing every time.  Now, don't get me wrong, routine is good, I am not complaining about that.  But I got to thinking.  Is there a way to deepen the experience and still follow a set routine?  

So I start thinking.  How to add umph! without having to constantly change what I'm doing every time?  So my mind starts it's normal wandering, anyone who know me knows this is perfectly normal.  I started thinking about one of my first blog entries on scents and using your sense of smell to enhance your experience.  This started my thinking, well, if adding scents helps what would happen if you start adding your other senses to the mix? 

This thought got me to thinking about the last Beltane ritual at Shining Lakes Grove.  Gen and I had suggested that everyone bring decorations to "pimp out" the nemeton.  We were hoping that by doing this it would bring a festive, party atmosphere to the ritual, perfect for Beltane.  Truthfully, it turned out a lot better then I was hoping for.  We had pinwheels, lots of strings of colorful beads draped everywhere, glittery gold clothe draped on branches and alters, wind chimes.  It was great.  You could feel the difference, it was a very happy, party atmosphere to it.  Several people, including some new people who showed up, commented on how they loved the decorations and how it made it feel so festive.  

Why did it effect people like that?  Well, I can't speak for them, but I'm a very visual person.  I love decorating for special days.  It doesn't just represent the day but it also helps me put myself into the moment.  To me, setting up the decorations was a lot like centering and grounding yourself before a ritual or meditation.  I feel more connected to what I am doing when I put special effort into the "extras" then when I just do a high day ritual with no extras.  

If you don't believe me let's think about this.  When you think of a holiday what do you see?  Is it colorful lights, snow and candy canes for example?  Or how about flags, fireworks and parades?  Or pumpkins, scarecrows and colorful fall leaves?  Each of those holidays have certain visual items that make people think of them, connect with it.  Now before you say "Oh that's not me! I don't need that stuff."  Think about it.  Don't you love decorating for these days? Or at least some of you do.  Well, why can't you extend that into your rituals?  I know in my neo-wiccan days we used to add extra things to our main altar for the high day.  It added to the festive feel of things.  I loved doing that.  So why did I stop?  Because I felt like I had too, but lately I'm re-thinking this.

So, in my opinion, adding the extra time to decorate your altar or work area for your high days is well worth it.  It will add a depth to your experience, in fact I believe making sure each of your senses is involved deepens the over all experience but that will be in more future blog entries.

Earth Day/Work Day

Today several people started four day ritual honoring the Earth. Today was about getting out there and doing something, be it clean the side of the highway, plant trees, clean a park, get out and enjoy nature. Whatever it was, do it and post about it. 

Well, I spent the afternoon cleaning our groves Nemeton. We raked leaves off the pathway and out of the meeting area and the Nemeton. Several small trees where cut down or the tops lopped off to make poles for the tarp we are using as a canopy.  We expanded the meeting area, pulled up stumps and cut firewood.  It was a very busy, exhausting afternoon.

I will be truthful, at first I wasn't looking forward to it. Nope, not at all. But once we were there and really digging in (yes, pun intended) I found I was enjoying myself.  It felt good reconnecting with the nature spirits in that area. Feeling the energy that flows through there was a pleasant surprise. It seems like every time we work on the area it seems to have a little more welcoming feel to it.  I don't know why the nature spirits feel more welcoming in the woods then the ones in the field, but there is a diffident difference in the energy in the Nemeton here.

Beltaine is in a couple of weeks, I can't wait to see the reactions of our grove mates when they see it. Also looking forward to "pimping" out the Nemeton for Beltaine. Hey! It's a holiday of fun, color and laughter, why shouldn't the Nemeton reflect that. I'm going to try and get people to help me make it look like a fairy exploded in it. That would be so awsome!  

ConVo 2014

Well, we went to our first ConVo this past weekend.  As norm my daughter and I completely stressed about everything for a couple of weeks before the event.  That's nothing new, we still do that before Midnight Flame and we're going on our 4th year of that festival.  So as norm, my daughter is running like a crazy person and I'm procrastinating till the last minute.  By the time we are ready to go both of us are rather stressed.  

The drive there was kinda nerve racking, I really don't like driving in or around Detroit, between the potholes and the crazy drivers, it's not a pleasant experience.  But we made it in one piece and truthfully, it was quite easy to find.  

I have to admit, the way some people were talking about it I really expected a HUGE hotel with trillions (okay, maybe not quite a trillion) people everywhere.  The hotel was actually very nice and there were quite a lot of people.  I think it was around a thousand people coming and going to the events and checking things out.  Of course, I'm guessing on that but at the raffle drawing they called a number that was over a thousand and since that was the number on our badges, it's a safe bet there was over a thousand. Either way, there was a lot of people there.

There was a room for artists to display and sale their artwork.  A good friend of ours had her prints on display.  She does lovely stuff.  It was interesting to look at the different displays.  I liked how there was such a variety, not like going to a crafts show and everyone is selling the exact same thing.  Next year I'm going to have to set money aside just for that room, I'm thinking.

The merchants room was smaller then I was expecting, I won't lie, but there was so much to look at and want.  It's probably a good thing it wasn't as big as I expected.  Of course we had to visit our friends' stall, The Magical Druid.  I really like their items and highly recommend them.  There were quite a variety of merchants, I spent way to much time and money in there. But I bought several things, magical and mundane, that I can't get around here.

I took several classes this weekend on a variety of subjects.  I was very impressed with all of the instructors.  It was a breath of fresh air to take a class from someone who had a good knowledge on the subject they were teaching.  The classes gave me some ideas on how to expand my practice.  They also solidified a few of my beliefs on my magical practices.  I am really grateful for the wonderful people who were willing to take the time to share their experience and knowledge.  

The thing that I enjoyed maybe the most was meeting up with old friends and just chatting and hanging out.  We had several new people come in to check us out, I do believe we may have some new members.  I know there was one lady who told us that we were the only group that actually welcomed her in and made her feel good.  Unfortunately, I had noticed that it was rather cliquey which is rather unfortunate.  It seemed like this is an excellent opportunity to expand your friends and experiences but a lot of people just seemed to only want to stick with the same people doing the same thing.  That was a bit of a disappointment, I will admit that. 

All in all, I really enjoyed myself.  Next year will be even better.  I'm looking forward to more classes, lectures, dancing and meeting more people.

Wisdom

This will probably evolve and change some as my dp studies continue but it is a start.

From the Merriam-Webster.com

1  a : accumulated philosophic or scientific learning 

    b : ability to discern inner qualities and relationships 

   c : good sense 

   d : generally accepted belief <challenges what has become accepted wisdom among many historians — Robert Darnton>

2

   : a wise attitude, belief, or course of action

3

   : the teachings of the ancient wise men

Many people put a lot of emphasis on book learning, thinking that having several degrees and mounds of books obviously makes them a wise person.  According to the first definition of the word, it does, but to me that is only the beginning and really only a small portion of what the word really means.  I have known people that are certified geniuses but have not an ounce of common sense in them. 

I believe the most important part of this virtue is having the knowledge of what is right and wrong and acting on it.  All the book knowledge does no one any good if they don’t know how to use that knowledge. 

A person’s attitude makes a big difference.  I have known people who know a lot of stuff, have all kinds of knowledge, yet their attitude is awful.  They look down on people, talk down to them.  They think they are truly wise and are blessing others with their wisdom.  This is not the actions of a wise person.  A wise person shares their knowledge, listens to others and acts to benefit themselves or others.  This is what I am striving for, to have the knowledge, to know when to use it, when to listen to others and when to do nothing.

Thoughts on last weeks ritual

No fancy title today, just my thoughts and opinions on our Imbolc ritual Sunday.  Where to begin?  We had a pleasant surprise (okay, we were told they were coming, but still...) when Rob S. and his three little munchkins joined us for this ritual.  All three children took part in the ritual, they did an excellent job.  

I must say I am happy to see young children participating like that in rituals.  They did a very good job.  We tried a different approach to honoring Brid this year, instead of honoring her as a hearth goddess we tried looking at the bard side of her.  I think this ritual was diffidently better then last year, but it still lacked something.  I felt a stir of interest coming from her but not a "YES!! You've got it!!"  So I am assuming we are on the right track.  

It's kinda hard to get into Imbolc (my least fav. high day, truthfully).  I am not a follower of Brid, I respect her, especially for a healing many years ago that she gave me.  But I don't follow her and have no interest in ever following her.

Also, I just feel there is more to this high day then just honoring Brid.  I noticed another grove had honored Brid and the Cailleach, their ritual was quite beautiful.  I would love it if we explored this avenue, but considering how much some members dug their heels in when it was suggested, I doubt it will happen, true shame.

Either way, I felt the ritual was better, not the best or as good as it could have been.  But a lot better then last year, best of all, our omens were really good, Brid seemed happy with the direction we had gone.  So that's good.

Imbolc By Any Other Name?

It’s that time of year again, Imbolc right around the corner.  And every year for several years now, I ask why?  I go through the motions, but truthfully, feel nothing for this high day.  I am not Celtic nor am I drawn to Brid, even though I have lots of Irish and Scotts blood in me, there is no connection to this hearth.  So every year I ask myself why?  Why must I honor Imbolc? Just because I am told its tradition?  Aren’t there other ways to honor this high day?

This year I decided to ask others why instead.  I posted a question on ADF General Decision board and got some very interesting answers that, truthfully, are helping me with this high day.  So I thought I’d share my thoughts and the answers that were giving to me. 

It is interesting all the different traditions that go along with this day, many that I had never associated with it, but now a light bulb is going off in my head.  The tradition of spring cleaning and preparing for the upcoming spring season seems to be a big part of the high day. This makes some sense to me but I think what made more sense was when a grove mate suggested including the Cailleach with our working of Brid.  After reading the myths that link these two goddesses together it does make sense and adds a depth that I hadn’t felt before.  I must admit though, the one big thing I enjoy about honoring Brid on Imbolc is all the crafty items you get to make, sorry, that’s just me.  I love making these kinds of things.

Several people had mentioned ways of honoring their own pantheon at this time of year.  Some honored deities associated with healing or plants, example Airmid, Epona and Demeter.  Demeter and Epona are associated with plants and the harvests to come while Airmid is an Irish goddess of healing, specifically herbs.  I find the Airmid the most interesting of the three because of her link to herbs, which I am teaching myself and have been for years.  Another person had mentioned that their grove honored Perkunas and Gabija, both Baltic deities.  Perkunas purifies the earth, getting it ready for spring will Gabija is also the goddess of hearth and fire. In the examples giving me, I find it interesting that they all share the aspect of preparing for spring, the coming of plants or are a hearth goddess, in the case of Gabija.  I had never before thought of this time along the lines they have and truthfully, it brings up a lot of interesting thoughts and ideas.

The Norse hearth cultures honor Disting, also known as Ewemeolc, on Feb 1 or 2.  The common tradition of this high day is blessing objects or tools and starting new projects.  Disting is very similar to Imbolc.  I’m curious as to why they are so close, could it been a case of neighbors influencing each other?

While all these traditions are still based on the assumption that spring is beginning, I still have to agree with the comment that had been made that being in Michigan, it’s the middle of winter, spring isn’t coming yet.  But what is coming is little more sunshine every day.  Maybe that’s why I don’t connect so much with this high day.  It doesn’t feel like spring is coming, to cold and dark, but it is the mid-point and it is getting lighter out sooner, the days are starting to get longer.  Maybe by only a few minutes, but it is happening.  That part I can connect with. 

Another tidbit mentioned, that I thought was interesting was the fact that a lot of people refer to the high days as Solstice, Equinox or Cross-quarter (add seasonal description) not Imbolc because of the fact they do not celebrate it.  This makes sense because you are describing what you are doing but not calling it something it isn’t.   

After taking notes, looking up different deities mentioned and different practices, I’m glad I asked this question.  It’s helped me define what I want in my own practice and helped me understand a little more about different groves way of handling this high day and different ways to honor Imbolc itself.  

Scents and Rituals?

Friday I was listening to a morning radio show and they were asking people a question.  If someone offered you a million dollars to give up one of your senses, which one would it be?  It seems the most popular answer was their sense of smell.  The reasons were logical.  No one wanted to be blind or deaf, losing your sense of touch could lead to very dangerous situations and losing your sense of taste?  Well, no one wanted to lose that because they liked eating to much.  They all stated they could live without their sense of smell.  That it was the least important sense. Really? Sense of smell not important?  Well, I can’t say I agree with them. 

While all the senses are equally important, in my humble opinion, and each enriches our lives in there own way.  I believe that our sense of smell effects us more then most people realize. 

What does this have to do with home practice, rituals or spiritual workings you ask? Okay, let’s do some visualization.  Close your eyes and imagine a bright sunny summer day.  What do you see?  What are you feeling? What are you smelling?  Smelling you ask? Yes, what scent makes you think of summer? Is it fresh cut grass? A barbeque?  Water at the lake?  How about picturing Yule.  What scent reminds you Yule?  Scents are good for triggering memories and emotions.

When you are creating a ritual, you think about the offerings, what you’re going to say, maybe even certain dance, music, extras like that.  Unfortunately a lot of time the scents used during a ritual is not taking into consideration.  In a ritual you are trying to create an atmosphere, a certain feel to what you are doing or experiencing.  If you use the right scent, the experience will be outstanding or at the least good.  But the wrong scent?  It can ruin what you are doing.  No matter how much thought and preparation used, if you use a scent you don’t like it will throw off everything.  When you use a smell you really don’t like you are not going to be concentrating on what you want to accomplish, no, you are going to be thinking about that horrible smell.

Now, there are many ways to add scents to your rituals, meditations or whatever you are working on at the moment.  The most popular way is through stick or cone incense.  In my opinion they are okay, I am not as happy with them as I used to because of the chemicals used in them or animal byproduct.  But just recently I have discovered some stick incense made that are organic and do not have animal byproduct in it.  You can also make your own; this is an adventure in itself.  Another popular method is burning herbs on a charcoal or throwing them into a fire.  And last but not least is using a simmering pot and essential oils.

What ever method you decide to try, just remember, use the scents you like, the ones that help you feel more connected to what you are doing.  Adding scents to your practice will add a whole new depth to your practice.  Be creative, be adventurous.  You will be glad you did.