This blog started out as a way to help me with my ADF dp study but as you can see, I haven't been here for several years. In those years I have discovered something about myself. Somewhere over the last several years I had lost the person I used to be, the one I loved being. Somewhere, trying to conform to what I thought I should be I lost who I was.
I think it started long before I started down my pagan path. I was a single mother, trying to make ends meet, be the "best" mother I could be and give my daughter a childhood full of happy memories. I put away things I loved because I felt she came first. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of the things I did to make sure she was happy and had what she needed to thrive. Well, I should rephrase that. I regret putting my identity aside to fit the mold I thought I should fit into. Doing that was a major dis-service to both her and myself. When I started exploring paganism, reading different books and exploring the net, I felt a stirring. My old self was wakening up. Taking my daughters' hand, we started exploring, following a new path, feeling like (at least I) was waking up.
This was a good time, feeling my way and learning new things. Then came the time to meet others in "RL". Well, the first group was an eye-opener. There were a lot of good times but unfortunately those good times soured. Egos got in the way. I started really hating the group but more, hating the person I was turning into. A very mean, vindictive person. I'll admit it. I did things I am not proud of. But at the same time this group was turning poison. Leaving them with very bad feelings I found ADF. I love the grove I joined, still a member of for that matter. It took a long time to let go of that hate I felt towards the others, but it's no longer there. Thankfully, I really don't like that person.
My journey with ADF has been a lot less bumpy, at least until the last few years, but that's a whole other story, not worth talking or thinking about. Most of my time here has been good. I don't regret being here at all. I love the public rituals, the friendships I've formed are very special to me. But these last few years I've felt like something was missing. So many of my friends are doing really good stuff, I'm happy for them, but I feel like I'm lost again.
Because of these feeling of loss I've been re-examining things. Trying to figure out who I am and where I want to go. So, getting to the point of this rather long post, I want to let anyone who follows my blog or wants to follow it. My blog will no longer be about my ADF dp, I'm on a journey to rediscover myself. I'll be blogging about that, which will include everything from spiritual posts to the "mundane".
My life, my rediscovering myself. You're welcome to follow my journey, if you so desire. Who knows were I'll end up, lol, heck, maybe my wanderings will give you something to think about. No harm there.
